I don’t like online dating

This isn’t meant to hurt anyone who does online dating, because there are people I love very much who do online dating, these are just my thoughts. Some people already know my views on it.

I’ve never been a fan of online dating. To me, it just feels.. wrong? It lacks emotion. There’s no rawness to it. No spirit to it. No randomness to it. No awkwardness to it. You post a picture of yourself and fill out your dating profile. The other person sees whether or not you’re hot/cute, they look at your profile to get an idea of who you are as a person. Whereas in real life, when you first meet someone, it’s by complete accident. You know nothing about them. Not their name, their age, where they’re from, what they like and etc. Just two people who didn’t know each other going about their life who’s lives happen to cross paths at one random moment and now you know each other. Some call that destiny, or like, those two people were meant to meet. How you meet, it doesn’t matter, but if it starts a lifelong relationship and the two people have children, now you have a great story to tell your children how mom and dad met. But with online dating, it’s, uh, well, forced? Also, how do two people cross paths on a dating site? What I mean is, there’s obviously an algorithm to it. Somebody created the dating app, someone made the algorithm. Someone else is basically controlling who meets who. So it’s like, from my perspective, to do online dating is to in a sense, give up/not have autonomy. Whatever algorithm there is can match profiles based on data, your data, which you don’t own. In real life, when you first meet someone, since you know nothing about them, you have to get to know them a little bit to figure out if they’d be a good match or not. I just think, the people you meet in real life are people you were meant to meet. There can be people in your neighborhood on Tinder or OKCupid or whatever other sites, and as close to them as you may live, you haven’t met them yet and I think there’s a purpose to that. I think, the people we meet online aren’t in our actual lives for a reason.

I also don’t like online dating because it’s not emotional. If you start talking to someone online, then kind of realize they aren’t a good match, you can just stop talking to them without having your heart broken, without worrying about breaking their heart, because you never met them. Because your short lived connection wasn’t formed in real life. Since it was all behind a computer or phone screen, no feelings were developed, no emotional attachments. There’s no risk in getting hurt with online dating. I don’t mean this to hurt anyone who does online dating, but online dating takes away from the human experience of life. You’re more of a robot than a human being when you’re doing online dating.

There’s nothing spiritual about online dating either. I don’t know how to describe that, but yea, there’s just nothing spiritual in it. There’s no magical connection to the other person, no spark. There’s no passion in online dating. No fire, no wind, no ice, no rain. It’s not life. It’s just… it’s not real. It’s not authentic, it’s not human. To me, online dating is dehumanizing. Those who know me well know that I hate online dating with as deep a passion as I love the idea of life. They know that I just completely despise online dating, that I hate it is a thing people do. I don’t hate many people in this world, but I hate the people who create all the dating apps and sites.

I haven’t had the best fortune with relationships, either due to bad luck or because of my own flaws as a person. I always think it’s because of myself, I know I have bad habits, but family and friends always tell me I’m a good person and that I deserve someone really good. It’s still me though. Anyways, not having someone to cuddle with sucks like nobody knows because of depression. Not having someone to go on adventures with, have cute play dates with, go to sports events with, watch movies with and so on sucks. It would be easy for me to give in to the world as it is and do online dating like everyone else is, and I do think about it, but I stay away from it, with a mental health cost though. I’m basically choosing to be myself, to love life the way I love it, to be honest and real, while suffering. I’d rather suffer alone while everyone else does online dating and finds potential happiness. I’d rather cope in unhealthy ways from the depression of feeling so alone in this world by not doing online dating than potentially finding a girlfriend from online dating. I’d rather never be with someone than be with someone I met online. Maybe I’m strange or wrong or whatever, but I just can’t stand online dating. It’s the stupidest thing. I don’t want to hurt anyone though. I’ve hurt enough people. If people want to do online dating, that’s their choice. It’s just sad that our world has so little faith in love that online dating is a thing.

If I ever ask a girl out again, it will be a person I know in real life and it will be someone I already have feelings for, because as I said in my post about love, sex and spirituality, I have to get to know someone before I can decide this is someone I can see myself being happy with for a long long time. If I am to ask out a girl, I will do it in person. Not on FB or twitter, not by text or phone call. In person, face to face. It’s super nerve wracking, and so far it’s only brought heart break, but that’s my way. To me, having feelings and asking out the girl in person is a way of telling her, I value you and see you as someone worth spending a long time with. It’s an honest way of asking a girl out, in my opinion. It’s risky, as I know too well, because you’re left there embarrassed and hurt if she says no, but the potential joy of her saying yes in person to you far outweighs the risk of being hurt. Or as they say, it’s high risk high reward. Can’t have great joy without risking great sorrow. Maybe that’s not for everyone though. My family and friends always joke that I’m a Chip Kelly like riverboat gambler. I play all my cards. I go all or nothing. I shoot for the stars. I am a star. I’m magic, and while everyone else may do online dating, I’ll be waiting for another person who is as magical as life.

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