My Fantasy Inauguration

So since I’ve been sick all week, all I’ve been able to do is just, well, watch the inauguration events, from the inauguration concert, to the inauguration parade, and now the inauguration balls, aka dances. It’s been all pretty depressing. I’m not the person with the healthiest coping mechanisms, but besides self-harming, as I’m someone who overthinks and dreams a lot, I’ll sometimes in my own solitude drift into my own fantasy world. So, naturally, being depressed watching all the inauguration events makes me drift into my own little fantasy world where I’m the President.

If I was the President-elect, I would have the most fun exciting inaugural concert ever. I would have my favorite band there, Death Cab for Cutie, performing many of their songs. I rarely listen to Death Cab because it makes me happy, but I remember the one time I went to a Death Cab concert, I danced to literally every song. Every song. If I was the President-elect, I wouldn’t sit during the Death Cab for Cutie part of my inaugural concert. I would be on my feet, dancing to every song, just super happy. I wouldn’t care about this, but I swear everyone watching on CNN would love seeing the President just dancing non-stop. Also, the Death Cab concert I went to, like everyone on the floor was dancing to every song, and all of Death Cab’s songs are dancing songs, so I bet the 100k + people at my concert would be dancing to their songs too. So they’d love it. Another band I’d have for my inaugural concert would be One Republic. One Republic songs are my favorite to sing, because I feel their songs. They’re also the only other band I’ve seen live, so yea. Actually, One Republic was my first ever concert. Crowds love them anyways too so yup. My single favorite singer is Demi Lovato, so she’d perform at my inaugural concert. Another band I love who I’d have at my concert is Kings of Leon. I’d also have Eminem. Now, right now, I don’t have a wife, I’m only 24, and I’m single too, but if I was President, I’d likely have a wife, or at least a girlfriend, or at least I would hope. If I had a girl, I would have some of her favorite bands and singers at the inaugural concert too, as to make her happy. I would have a set of orchestra’s perform movie scores. Dogs chasing cars and I’m not a hero from the movie The Dark Knight. To the roof, Bim bim bash, Berlin foot chase and a few other soundtracks from the Bourne movies. A few more that I’m forgetting but yea. Lastly, I would have a little opera at my concert, specifically Nessun Dorma by whoever in the world sings it the best.
So yup, that’d be my inaugural concert, it’d be the coolest and most fun inaugural concert ever, because Demi Lovato, One Republic, Kings of Leon and Eminem are all widely popular, and many of them have songs that are fun and easy to dance to. Having the movie orchestra’s would be the icing on the cake, as they’d get everyone’s adrenaline all rushing.

The inauguration speech is what it is, a pretty formal thing, I wouldn’t have much control over it other than what I say in my speech and how long I speak for. I wouldn’t have a true speech all written and prepared, because simply put, I’m never really able to put onto paper what it is I’m truly trying to say. I would likely just be my authentic self, however unconventional that would be, and just use one of my normal writing notebooks, tear out some sheets of paper, and write down a list of all the subjects/issues I want to talk about in my inauguration speech. I wouldn’t need the teleprompter. I’d just look at my list, and say the things I want to say about each issue. Me being me, my speech wouldn’t be a normal 15 to 40 minute inauguration speech. I don’t think hundreds of thousands of people wait in the cold for hours on end just to hear a 30 minute speech. My speech, love him or hate him, would be a Hugo Chavez kind of speech, a few hours in length. It would be a revolutionary speech though, that sends chills down the spines of the mob, the corrupt, the death eaters, the war criminals. My speech would echo around the world. My speech would be the Krakatoa of Presidential speeches.

Being that I would have a long speech, I would skip the initial Presidential signings and the lunch and stuff and just skip straight to the parade. My inaugural parade would just be the Seattle Sea-Fair Parade brought to D.C, with the pirates and high school bands and all. However, I’d add some extra flavor to it. I’d ditch the UW marching band in favor of the Oregon marching band. I’d have other college marching bands too. I would have the Michigan State marching band, for my dad went to school there. I’d also have the Michigan marching band, being that I have a lot of cousins who went there too. The Ohio State band would be there too, and they would stop right in front of that little makeshift building the President watches the parade from and do Script Ohio for me, except I would walk out and dot the i. I can’t think of other things but I’m sure if I had a girl, she’d have cool ideas to spice up the parade even more. So yea, basically, my inauguration would be the Seattle Sea-Fair Parade on steroids.

For the inauguration balls, I don’t really care for those that much. I would for sure make one of my inauguration balls be like a techno rave so it’d just be a big hot steamy sweaty dance party with neon lights and glow sticks and face and body paint, with people ripping their clothes off and people dumping water on their heads and what not. Basically, I want at least one of my inaugural balls to just be a giant kick ass party. Plus, CNN televises everything, so everyone would be left talking about the coolest inaugural ball ever. I’d want another of my inaugural balls to be a sweet happy cute kind of inaugural ball, so maybe have like Demi Lovato, Death Cab for Cutie, Postal Service, those kinds of sweet happy songs that everyone can dance to and sing along with. There’d of course be the Military Ball I’d have to go to and yea.

Now, instead of the normal two days of stuff happening, I figure that’s kind of a short stay, so I’d add a third day of events so it’s kind of a short vacation for everyone. The third day, at like noon eastern, I’d have my inaugural bowling tournament, or as I’d call it, the inaugural bowl. I don’t know what the format would be for it, or who involved besides myself but yea. I’d have it a large venue temporarily retrofitted with bowling lanes, so thousands of people can attend. After the inaugural bowl, like at 4pm eastern, I’d have my inaugural basketball game at the Washington Wizards Arena. It’d be guys and girls. Again, I don’t know who I would have for the two teams, but it’d be four ten minute quarters with a 30 second shot clock. 12 players for both teams. Then at 8pm eastern, at the Washington Nationals baseball stadium, I’d have an inaugural WWE event, set up like a Wrestlemania, where I would set the matches and the types of matches. The first match would be an elimination chamber match, so six people, with the winner going onto fight in the WWE championship four way TLC match at the end of the night. After the first five contestants for the elimination chamber match come out, I would come out. President Kendall, the sixth and final entrant in the elimination chamber match. I would win the match, and then in the TLC match, I would hit people with chairs, get hit by chairs, jump through tables, get thrown through tables, and at the end, one person would be laying on the double stack of tables outside the ring, another guy would be laying on the mat, while I and the other guy in the ring would climb the ladder for the WWE championship belt. I’d get to the top first, and get a hand on the belt, then the other guy gets to the top and punches me. We’d both have a hand on the belt while trading blows. The guy on the mat outside the ring meanwhile climbs in the ring, and tips the ladder over, sending us both flying into the double stack of tables outside, crushing the third guy. Crowd goes crazy at the President being sent through tables from 30 feet up. With three of us basically down and out, the guy who tipped the ladder over resets it, climbs up and grabs the championship belt. The medical doctors come down the ramp after the match, help me to my feet, and the 55k at the stadium give me a huge ass standing ovation and chanting my name. It’s a grand conclusion to the greatest inauguration ever, as well as the coolest start to a Presidency ever.

I would rest up the next day and recover, getting lots of sleep. Then on the Monday, the following day after recovering, I begin the duties as President. So yup, that’d be my inauguration if I were President. I’m not President though, that was just my drift into my own little world to escape how depressing it already is with Trump being President. Back to depressing reality now though.

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